I feel so lost.

So its time to vent to probably no one, but regardless of who may be reading this, I need to get some things out in writing and hopefully after I will feel better. 

A week ago today, my boyfriend broke up with me after four years of being together. I am absolutely heart broken, and I have a very bad feeling we will not be getting back together. He was not only my boyfriend, but my best friend, I spent every night and day with him, talked to him all the time when we couldn’t be together, and now we’re not talking at all. He won’t talk to me at all, he told me that he is “content” with his decision when I tried fighting for him, fighting for our love. But that didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that he could fight for me whenever I doubted our relationship and I would give him to him because I knew he was right, I knew we could get through anything. We have gone through everything together…but now none of that matters. I can’t fight for him and I feel so helpless. I feel like the love of my life has slipped away from me and there is nothing I can do about it but cry. I have messed up in our relationship, and I can admit that, but so has he. He broke up with me not because I cheated on him or anything, but because I am “moody and controlling.” Yes, I can be moody, but so can he. Yes I can be controlling, but he definitely can be that too.

 

I cannot help but fear that right now he is with some other girl right now to try and get over me. That thought kills me; I have absolutely no desire to be with anybody but him. I am trying my best to be happy, and show him that I am happy and that I can be ok without him, but at the end of the day, he is still the only person I want to see. 

 

How do I move on from someone I spent four years of my life with? How do I just accept losing the love of my life?


by Diana Savina